Sunday, November 27

Bike NYC: A list of things stolen from the pink bicycle


1. Attempted bike theft/prank: July 2005, LES

Someone lifted the bike over the meter it was chained to, and walked it about 3 yards before they got sick of carrying the bike, which couldn't be rolled since I'd chained the wheel to the frame. Cost: 30 bucks for a new & better lock.

2. Blinky reflector light: October, 2005, LES

Come on! It's like breaking into a car and stealing the change for the tolls! Cost: 12 bucks for the original light, $12 for the replacement: $24 together.

3. Bike Seat: October, 2005, Chelsea

I should probably note here that although my bikeseat was stolen, a very nice man who also had his bike locked up had a spare seat and gave it to me. Cost: $5 to install the free and lovely bike seat. Gift from stranger: free!

4. Handlebar plastic shield thingy: November, 2005.

Not sure. Do I really need to replace this right away? We'll see how it goes with only one handlebar condom.

Thursday, November 24

Airshaft Love

In general, I don't complain about noise in my apartment. I bought my ticket moving to the LES...I knew what I was getting into. I don't want to be the whiny jackass complaining about noise when I'm living in party central. Also, my roommate falls asleep to the sounds of diesel trucks, so whining from me is particularly absurd.

The domestic partner's room faces the street. My room is on an airshaft. There is pretty much never any natural light in my room, or, as I like to call it: The Bat Cave. I'm thinking of getting those lightbulbs that stimulate sunlight to ward off SAD, my favorite imaginary disease.

Life on an airshaft is interesting. You learn all sorts of things about people you never see. There is a gentlemen that struggles so with a perpetually runny nose and hacking cough, and if I could discover what building and apartment number he was, I would surely go over with a lovely cup of hot tea so that I could stop falling asleep to the sounds of his hacking.


This morning I woke up to the sounds of a female having a very pleasant time. Thing is, she happened to fall into that category of women who orgasm like they're dying. In my beverage-induced sleep, I thought death was imminent, and was reaching for my cellphone to call 911 when I finally realized this was no emergency at all. Airshaft love is great for some people (3 times for the dying orgasmer!) and although I don't know who she is, I think I do know what she's thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm at the sitting around portion of my Thanksgiving, where I remember that I come from a family of late people. So that when my father said, "Be ready at 1! no later," he really meant, "Be ready at 1! and I'll see you at, I don't know, maybe 3?"

We're heading up to the relatives in the 'Chester. Due to logistics difficulties, and my brothers' popularity with the ladies, we're not all going to fit in the car. Some of us are taking metro north over the hills and through the woods to the relatives, and I guess what I'm thankful for this year is that I'm not in that group.

Happy Thanksgiving all! and especially to Ben, my curious and diligent reader....



Monday, November 14

A Small Success Story

I spent my weekend in Boston hanging out with the girls. It was lovely (and maybe slightly scary for the boyfriends).

Getting ready for Friday night dinner/alcoholism with Jane from Ohio, we listened to her "Happy Mix" which is comprised of a lot of slow & sad songs and is clearly mis-titled.


The first song on the mix was really awesome, and so I snuck over to her pod to check what it was. I was pretty shocked that it was a They Might be Giants' song. I thought I knew all things TMBG (it was my first concert, and my password on all unimportant things for 2/3 of my life!).

Back in New York, I made the boy play it for me 4 times in a row. I think he got a bit sick of it, cause there was a rather abrupt transition to metal after that 4th listen.

Today it was still stuck in my head, and not in anyone's iTunes at work. Slackers!

But here! I found it! Cause more than anything, I exemplify the stubborn ways of the Taurus!
Get your free download of Another First Kiss here!

Note: here are some lists of good resources for the free music on the internets:
Lifehacker's list and then also Largehearted Boy's A2Z list of music on the web.

Thursday, November 10

Put the fucking lotion in the basket!

Augusten Burroughs on his excessive lotion purchasing while abroad.

*Obligatory Silence of the lambs reference via imdb.

Wednesday, November 9

Meta Madeleine

I am meta. Here are some administrative annoucements:

1. Much like Madeleine, my blog hates IE. Oops. Sorry IE users: the blog is broken.

2. Yes! I know that there is some kinda text-wrapping extending text beyond margins issues.

3. Yes! I know that the colors are hideous and that the header font is not so nice either.

All these problems will be resolved shortly. And when I say shortly, I mean by the time I am 26. That's right, I'm going to give myself over a year to fix this problem.

Here's the thing. At one point, the little blurb info about the blog said something along the "welcome to my blog and come on it." But did anyone let me know about this obscene invitation/typo? No! So, I do not feel overly guilty about the crappy appearance of the blog. *

*that's a lie. I feel extremely guilty. Don't you know me at all?

Fair and Balanced Questions Dept.

All the time!
Wait, is that a problem Fox?

image via Gawker.

Tuesday, November 8

I was wondering when someone would make fun of the stupid New Yorker cartoon contest endpage...

...cause I'm not really funny enough to do it myself. Thanks Daniel Radosh! And check out these monstrously bad captions. I couldn't choose a favorite -- as VH1 would say, they were all awesomely bad.

I live in a strange place

That's no insult, because really, I love where I live. There is non-stop drinking, unlimited people in converse sneakers, and pretty much always some crappy (or not so crappy) band playing nearby.

Also, I live above a porn shop and in between 2 bars. So the essential things of life are
really always near.

But sometimes the fun in my neighborhood goes too far. Too far? What's too far?

Well, last night I came home to find my bike knocked over on its side. That's not unusual. The kids (and by kids, I mean the drunk people who are drinking) like to knock over my bike. It's pink --so I see where they're coming from when they kick it over and try to steal it.

But this time apparently, they wanted to have sex on top of it. Sounds strange, huh. But! I have evidence. See that photo over there to the left that I cannot center because I am too lazy to leave my WYSIWYG editor -------------------->


Please note the condom sitting below the spikes of my bike. If you're wondering, it's a lifestyles condom. There may also be a cigarette butt next to the condom. Classy.

And that, my friends, is how they party on the Lower East Side. On top of bikes. With condoms. Well, at least they're being safe. My mother would be happy about that at least.

Monday, November 7

Germans (and Madeleines) love David Hasselhoff

Wax on, Wax HOFF is a lovely time-waster from our friend the internets.

link via Uncle Grambo (my personal reason for hearting detroit).

Welcome to the Working Week

Random stuff to get through Monday:

A super-great Out of 5 mix this week, as OO5 continues to redeam all my Monday mornings. The super-greatness of this week is a result of the mix having Because the Night. [note for friends at work: website plays when you enter it.]

At the NYT a random but great study of British book-buying habits. The Brits, it turns out, fake reading to impress people. In my mind, this strategy is clearly to impress the opposite sex. So, the Americans fake-tan to impress and the Brits fake-read. Awesome.

Also, I am loving my new ta-da list! For someone who had "listmaking" as a friendster interest for so long, it's kind of shocking that I resisted the technology upgrade of my lists for so long.


And speaking of Friendster (you love the SMOOOOTH transition there!), one of my friendsters has updated his "about me" section to discuss his new dating siesta! The term is spreading and I think it might time for "Dating Siesta" to enter the world in a larger way. And when I say "a larger way" I might mean a wikipedia entry.

Friday, November 4

maybe I'm dumb...

...but what if the fake David Cross wrote this email about real v. fake David Cross in nyc?

this post is mostly for the domestic partner. and anyone who ever used "ham and cheese sandwich" as an insult back in the good ol' days at the 'deis

The other writer-y Goldberg brother (that would be Tod) is seeking out photos of Jews eating Pork.

Also the list of people who find ham and cheese sandwich to be a classic insult is probably short. But those of us on it, well, we think we're pretty damn clever.

"where has your love gone"


I'm with Lee Goldberg on this: I too did not win the cleavage award that Jessica Simpson recently received.


the prize winner (s) -->

No one on the internets* understands this story

All sorts of people are confused by Harlequin creating a series that is cobranded with Nascar. They claim to have all sorts of marketing stats about women loving the Nascar. Personally, I haven't met any race-car-lovin'-ladies, but they must be out there. I bet they're in the mid-West.

And THAT is why I'm so entranced by the mid-West: everything I cannot understand exists there.

Also, I want to work in marketing. It seems like the kind of field where imagination really counts.

Link via the smart bitches! and thanks

(and also Maud and bookslut, but I can't seem to find their posts now. Lazy. I am very lazy.)

*internets -- tm, Jennie Smash!

Thursday, November 3

doppelgangers

In the same way that I'd describe Weezer as being indie rock even though they've sold a bajillion albums, I'd call Haruki Murakami a cult author.

Maybe that's not fair of me, but you've also gotta accept that this blog is a bit of a dictatorship, and that's how it's going to be.

Anyway, here's an article about Murakami, who spoke recently at Tufts. Writing, for him, is apparently a bit physically arduous. And here's him talking about doppelgangers:
Right now, I am talking to you at Tufts, but at the same time I might want to be [in another place]
This resonates oddly just because I'm so used to my Brandeis friends imagining (hotter, smarter) doppelgangers of themselves (who got laid more and danced better) over at Tufts.

Will you all come over to visit?

Will you all come over to visit when the domestic partner and I get a lovely puggle of our own?

Yes, I know you want to cuddle with the puggle. Huh, maybe all the puggle has going for it is the name. Cause the creature itself is kinda scrawny and sad looking.


PS: See! I update. Especially upon request. Also, stay tuned for potentially exciting posts like: The Case for Madeleine, and, How a Love Affair Ends (or, Why is my hair now blonde?)