Thursday, December 29

The Internets: Damn, There's A LOT of Stuff on it

And in this post, I will share with you the wonders of the wild & wooly internets: so internetlicious, it's a plural.
Again, this shit's bananas: the banana, so mighty it can cure depression, hangovers, anemia, bloodpressure woes... pretty much everything but the good 'ol common cold. (Link via the quiet drunk mouse.)

***

This is somewhat like an old-school SNL spoof: it's the Russian version of Sex and the City. In what I'm sure is not much of a shocker, the Russian version of the show is a tad more dark than the American version. (Nu-uh, Russians are a little dark?) In the Russian SATC, Samantha's character is not just a nymphomaniac, she's a prostitute.

***

This is an oldish link, and a little out of date now that the strike's over, but wow -- design DOES serve a purpose. Thanks to Armin, from the blog Under Consideration, who redesigns the signs people made to get rides home after the strike--looking at font & word choice. (Link via Katherine Yu.) I'm easy, so I'm maybe more impressed than you will be over the rollover on the photos.

***

If you were wondering: Rachel Ray? Not God after all. Keep lookin'. (Link via Bookslut.) And, I'm going to choose to not be distressed that the blogger that reported this newsflash was fired by [redacted] bookstore/cooking store.

***

The Guardian gives us a Christmas Gift: a mix of songs about drinking. It includes one of my favorites: Tom Waits' The Piano Has Been Drinking (not me).

Old links, New Links, and Blue Links for my internet friends. Happy New Year to you all -- and thanks for reading the bloggy blog.

And now, in weird news...

The Washington Post* has a roundup of weird news from the year 2005 that you may have missed while you were drinking, or setting up your google news alert for face transplants, or you know, whatever.

This little bit might be my favorite:
THE LAWS OF IRONY ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED When CNN/USA Today/Gallup pollsters asked in a telephone survey whether President Bush is a "uniter" or a "divider," 49 percent said a uniter and 49 percent said a divider.

--CNN, Jan. 19

The other entries are also great, or even more great if we don't share a sense of humor.

And over in Flushing, the former home of my grandma, thieves are stealing car doors from Toyotas. Easily removable doors: great for car-repair-people, even more great for thieves.

*WaPo requires a password. Try bugmenot.

Wednesday, December 21

Links: Still Not on Strike

Who doesn't want to fill out the Law and Order coloring book? Thanks to the Morning News, and to the boy, for finding this.

Gothamist hearts my brother's map that helps people find their way around NY during the strike. I like the part where you can report your transit trauma and read about other commuters' adventures the best.

Hmm, I think I've found a present for a certain hypochondriac coworker. (link via Maud Newton)




Strike: Day 2

Day 2 of the transit strike, and I walked to work.

According to a woman passing next to me in an oddly uncrowded SoHo, "the MTA killed Christmas."

And, in other news, I finally use my Gawker Empire comment love to defend people who delete ex-BFs phone numbers. Other commenters continue to think deleting digits to deal with failed love is "emotionally crippled behavior." And, further, that this kind of behavior would only have from a girl with a "bejunked trunk."

Friday, December 16

In Aid of the Prevention of Tooth Pain

I have purchased two (2) portions of the Best Toothpaste Ever. Previously available in NY for the low, low price of $1.99, apparently the low price was because no one liked the Aquafresh with PUMP but me. But why wouldn't you like it?

It's the same great toothpaste, but with a pump! and when I say pump, I should really be writing "Marriage Saver." You'll note that the review on the page reveals that this toothpaste helps our gentlemen reviewer deal with his wife's unpleasant squeezing-from-the-middle-of-the-toob habit.

So, that's right, I spend $6 on toothpaste, and $6 on shipping and handling. And it was worth it. Well, maybe not quite worth it. But if I were married and this held off divorce and couples therapy, you would totally think it was worth it.

Also, it turns out that when you are blogging about toothpaste, you don't get to make fun of the person that wrote an amazon review of the very same toothpaste.

Links--a sticky combination of wax and technology

I just saw the 40-Year-Old Virgin (a copyeditor's nightmare) for the first time the other day. And, now for a word from the lady that waxed Steve Carrell's slightly hairy chest:
I really love waxing people and when I hear them scream, I love it.

I always knew Firefox users were smarter than IE users.

Thursday, December 15

More Face Transplants

Who knew there'd been a race on in the science world to see who could do the first face transplant? And now there will be a second transplant in the UK. It's like a latter-day race to space.

Tuesday, December 13

So, Where are all the Posts About Boys, Anyway?

It occurs to me that I've been failing you (my lovely loyal 3 readers) in my promise to deliver stories about bikes, books, and most importantly, boys. Well, maybe the boys weren't the most important thing to you. But I'll go with definitely liking boys more than bikes. And I'm pretty sure that I like boys better than books.

So to end this drought of posts on boys, let's chat about the dating siesta. After all, it's not like the people haven't wanted to know about the start and finish of the siesta. And when I say "people," I really mostly mean the drunken mouse . I think it's pretty clear to most people why the dating siesta began. Who hasn't been involved with a self-avowed asshole, become moody and broody as result, and realized that they had to abandon their fun girl title as a result of all the moody brooding. All that seemed like enough for any person to embark upon a dating siesta.

Starting a dating siesta is easy--after all, it's really just spanglish for taking a small break from dating. During a dating siesta, remember to be your own best PR person: tell everyone, everywhere about the siesta. Tell Bert, hitting on you at an East Village dive bar, tell friends, tell neighbors, tell the guy who keeps meeting you for drinks (because, all this meeting for drinks--isn't that kind of like dating? Has he not heard there's a siesta on?). Explain that the siesta is by choice. Explain that it's a siesta, and not a coma--you will one day wake up.

And that, I think, brings us to the most frequently asking dating siesta question: How did the dating siesta end? If you follow the link, upon being pressed, the boy reluctantly confessed his successful (and secret) strategy to breaking the siesta: Andonstrone!

Monday, December 12

Coping in Brooklyn

Welcome to Brooklyn: in a PBR shortage, we don’t worry cause “luckily we have other crappy beer.” Coping skills in Brooklyn are unstoppable.

Sunday, December 11

Links for you, my internets(tm) friends

Links for you on an industrious Monday:

To me, it might be the height of lazy loserness to out-source the boring parts of your video game to other people.

Mallomars: to some just a cookie, to others the Greatest Cookie Ever
. Now, of course, in the cookie wars, I've always got to have my loyalties to the madeleine. Aside from the madeleine, the mallomar is one of my favorite cookies ever. I love that it's seasonal. Love that it's so fabulous -- with the chocolate, the goo, and the crunch. It's perfection. As a mallomar purist, I was sad when the design of the box changed. I'd liked the ritual of carefully cutting the plastic surrounding the outside of the box. I disagree completely with the people in the article that want mallomars to be available year-round. It's all part-and-parcel of the cookie's charm that it's only available for a few seasons of the year. I also like that tri-state is eating the bulk of the cookies produced (and do not think the Canadian version is even close to being as good).

Strikes excite me. Slowdowns do not -- but I do hope that everything works out in negotiations.
There's only been one strike from the transit workers in my lifetime--and I was two, so I wasn't exactly riding the trains much. Remember the last time there was almost a strike, when Bloomberg bought that twerpy kid a bicycle and said we should all bike to work? Man, he's a winner.

Monday, December 5

If I link to Nerve in a post that also is about Santa, is that creepy?

Forbes created a list of the 15 richest fictional characters. I like that Forbes takes the time discussing their methodology in creating this list, but then also admit that it is clearly arbitrary that Santa is on the list! Santa is not rich. (Um, I know Santa's not rich because I know he's my parents, who used to tiptoe down our creaky stairs in the middle of the night carrying extra gifts with labels that read, "To madeleine xoxo Santa" in my mom's distinctive handwriting.)

***

Aimee Bender has a short story in nerve. Here's my favorite part of the story:
I have recently broken up with someone who I did not expect to break up with, and every morning, the earliest time I wake up is suffused with remembering. I can't seem to beat that moment, no matter how early I rise.

it is brutal to imagine the idea of meeting a new person. Going through the same routine. Saying the same phrases I have now said many times: the big statements, the grand revelations about my childhood and character. The cautious revealing of insecurities. I have said them already, and they sit now in the minds of those people who are out living lives I have no access to anymore.

***

Uh-oh: potential ethical problems with the face transplant.

If you saw me this weekend (or, if you date me) you may be thoroughly sick of this story. But it's so damn fascinating. I'm always entranced by a news story that reads like fiction, where characters have personality. You should have seen with the Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill, the Unabomber, and Clinton and Monica.

At first, this story seemed to fit most neatly into the scifi genre. It reminded me of Vanilla Sky, a Twilight Zone episode, Dark Passage (when Bogart has face surgery).

I'm so intrigued by the 2 women--both relatively young, and apparently both suicidal. It's such psychological drama, and I keep wanting to call the women characters instead of people. The whole idea of having someone else's face--how bizarre it must be for the family of the woman who has a new face. Is it any more difficult than looking at her damaged and destroyed original face?

Friday, December 2

Donate Your Face

The article about the face transplant woman blows my mind. I want to make fun of it, but then it's just so damn awesome. Science is cool. Also, the whole idea of a face transplant reminds me of my second favorite Twilight Zone eposide: The Eye of the Beholder.

Thursday, December 1

in tooth-pain news

Given the title to the frickin' blog, it seems pretty wrong not to report the latest word from my dentist:
Madeleine, root canal is not a cure, it's a treatment.
I'll spare you how he continued to tell me about his SIX root canals on ONE tooth. And I thought TWO root canals was TOO many.

Links!, or other people have smart thoughts.

An explanation for why you wake up 5 minutes before your alarm clock -- from Psychology Today

If you love Brooklyn & Christmas, like me, you'll go out to see the lights in Bensonhurst.

The Toastabag
; or, the greatest new use for the toaster for people who don't cook like me (thanks to Jeff for the link).

If I can't have a puppy for Christmas, then I guess the next best addition to the apartment would be a Bandai to clean & swiffer. (thanks for the link, anonymouse--I assume you're not implying that my apt's dirty, right?)

Authors Tom Wolfe, Jonathan Franzen, and (madeleine-fave) Michael Chabon will be starring on an episode of the Simpsons. Also Gore Vidal, who doesn't watch the show. All the authors will have a cartoon death except for Vidal.