Sunday, April 29

Perhaps I should have predicted that asking my mom to pay for an HPV vaccine for my birthday would result in a strange conversation.

It started out bad:

Mom: Aren't you too old to get that now?
Me: Ouch.

And then it got worse:

Mom: But you are using some kind of barrier when you know...when you know...she glances around, furtively.

Her word choice there -- barrier -- confirms an assumption I've always had about my mother. When faced with the words "madeleine" and "you know..." in the same sentence, she chooses to picture me and whoever the someone else is in bed, but handily encased in layers upon layers of bubble wrap. From within our plastic chastity belts, we vainly grope for the good stuff. Thank god for barriers.


Jennie SMASH! said...

If it makes you feel any better, my gyno just out-and-out laughed when I asked if I could have the HPV vaccine. She was like, "You CAN have it, Sluttina Bang-Bang, but I think we all know it's WAY TOO LATE FOR THAT!"

Post*Boy said...

FYI Post*Mom still can not say in a court of law that I have sex. Denial is a great river in Egypt. Lie. "MomCat, I don't have sex! I am just a hypochondriac."